How does Terrorism pollute the mind? Does it cluster about
and fog our vision because we don't inhale or exhale correctly?
Is there a difference between Vigilant air and Terrorism air?
How do we exhale Terrorism? Find out.
Thursday, February 19,
2004—Ground Zero Plus 890
GROUND ZER0, New York, N.Y.--Feb 19, 2004 -- Every now and then I need
Quiet Moments of Vigilance. I need to breathe in Vigilance
and exhale Terrorism.
I try and sit and breathe
deeply, inhaling as much air as possible, holding it as long as I can,
then exhaling it just as slowly as my lungs will allow.
Even when I reach the last exhale, I tighten my stomach to squeeze the
last ounces of breath from my lungs, kind of like wringing the last
drop of water out of a wet towel.
My new regimen
of deep breathing is helping to center myself
It's a new form of
relaxation. I just started it, so I have no idea
about its ability to change my life or fortunes. I only
know that the length of a breath has been extended, and I am more
aware of being "here and now" when I concentrate on maximum
inhalation, maximum holding of the breath, maximum exhalation.
Like today. I
need to center myself.
I'm going to revisit the
past this morning. Once a week I have been going to the
VA Hospital here in New York City to examine the trauma I
experienced at Ground Zero on September 11, 2001.
The events that day were horrible. It was a day of war.
The faces of the dead and dying of Nine Eleven mix with those from
more than thirty years ago in Vietnam.
I try not to dwell on the
morbid side of death and destruction. I try and
fight the feeling that the Beast of Terror has me in his grips and is
pulling me slowly into the quagmire.
I have been
plagued by the faces of the dead and dying in Vietnam and on Nine Eleven
That's why I went to the
VA. My guts were twisted.
I simply wanted to avenge
the Beast of Terror's wrath. I still do.
But, I know that the Beast cannot be killed. There
is no victory on the horizon. There is, at best,
Each of the 6 billion
people on this earth have some degree of the Beast in them. It
is part of human nature. Equally, each of us has some
degree of the Sentinel of Vigilance within. The
question is, which will dominate? Beast or Sentinel?
That's why I need Quiet
Moments of Vigilance. I need to sit back and take precious
moments out of the war against Terrorism and just breathe deeply.
All of us need to do that
when we feel our minds or bodies spinning out of control.
Our days can become pressure cookers, our nights full of nightmares.
We can never rest our souls unless we focus on them.
My soul never
I try to breathe through my soul.
Sometimes, I feel it is
so clogged, like the tiny screen in a water faucet that becomes laden
with rust and dirt, that not much can get through.
It is like standing on the edge of the world looking at the sunrise
through a blindfold--you know it's there you just can't see the
I've started to
I want to be in
reality, whatever that is.
The weight of the
world, especially if its Terrorism, its Fear, Intimidation and
Complacency, can starve me of life's great fuel--Hope. I
can breathe the pollution of Terrorism only so long before I need to
come out of caverns burrowing through the bowels of the earth and
cleanse my lungs and brain and soul with the Air of Vigilance.
Today, I will go to
the doctor's office and climb into the sewer of the past.
I understand I will be learning how to deal with the horror of it all,
and that in the end, when the therapy is complete, I will know a new
freedom and a new happiness.
But that is then.
Now is now.
I am afraid of
looking at the past horrors
am afraid of looking at the past horrors from a personal point of
view. I can do it detached, as a writer, as an observer,
as indiscriminate as the lens of a camera that has no human attachment
to the ugliness of wanton destruction of human life. But,
when asked to drop my shields, to feel the personal pain so I might
heal, I clam up.
It is not easy to cry
from the soul. Many of us dam up that passage and
pride ourselves in "self control." The water eventually
pollutes. The dam, one day breaks.
Many people from Nine
Eleven have yet to admit the impact of that day. Many may
not know that it still haunts them in ways they might not be able to
Take a Breath
of Vigilance and exhale Terrorism
taking Vigilance Breaths might help. If we all were
to breathe in Vigilance and breathe out Terrorism, we'd be breathing
in better soul air.
It can be as simple as:
Breathe in Courage--Breathe out Fear. Breathe in
Conviction--Breathe out Intimidation. Breathe in
Right Actions for future generations--Breathe out Complacency.
Terrorism is about
bottling up all the different degrees of Fear, Intimidation and
Complacency that afflict us daily, weekly, monthly, annually.
If we physically removed its pollution, we can be freer to deal with
it when it appears unexpectedly.
Take a Breath of
Energy--The Beast of Terror's Cosmic Lair